Forkface
by Creepyshado
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Dumbledore was never seen using a fork. The shocking story of betrayal and courage in the face of evil.
1. Chapter 1

The Beginning The Rise of Forkface

Dumbledore belched in delight in the teachers' lounge as he contemplated his plan which would ome into fruition tomorrow when Harry arrives ready to fall in line with the light. Dumbledore remembered the first time he had tried to contact Harry needless to say it did not go well.

Flashback 8 years ago Privet Drive

A young Harry Potter was walking down the street when he heard a noise in the sewer "Aloha Harry" Dumbledore belched. "You must join the light" Dumbledore said as he attempted to grab Harry by the ankles down to his doom. Harry ran away and the confused headmaster never returned.

Back to present.

Dumbledore belched in anger as he thought of that wrenched day because of this he decided the best way to have Harry come to the light would be to force the boy to marry Ginny Weasley as she was of the light and eventually and Dumbledore's sister in law as he had used his supreme power in the Wizangamot to marry his husband Ronald Weasley. When Harry arrived he would take him to his office and have him sign the contract little did the old man know his occlumency shields were down. Dumbledore had just left his office when there was a crack to his head. McGonagall had punched him in the back of the head how dare she would pay "Avada Kedavra" he belched with a snarl but his wand was blasted out of his hand by Snape. After pushing him out the window he advanced on McGonagall menacingly "Let me tell you something you strict bitch I get more action in a week then you will ever get in a lifetime" he belched thunderously as he bent down to McGonagall and grinned a cat swallowed the canary grin, but she found a fork on the ground from lunch and stabbed it into his eye an pulled his eye out of the socket. "OWWWWWWWARRRRRRRHLLXCCFF",Dumbledore belched in agony as he ran into Snape who hit him with a 2X4 piece of wood knocking him out. "I cant believe what he had planned for Harry" McGonagall said. Snape merely shrugged and took all the Cuban cigars Dumbledore had in his pocket. Dumbledore woke up and found an olive to replace his eye. While he would never see out of that side again the olive looked like his eye after a couple of spells. The spells made it look like his eyes were twinkling though. "Whoops time for the feast show time" Dumbledore belched making his way to the Greathall to welcome the students at his beloved school.


	2. Chapter 2

Dumbledore congradulated himself for Harry having been sorted into Gryfindor when he was rudely interupted. It was Hagrid " I wonder what that bastard wants" Dumbledore belched outloud. As Hagrid entered the office Dumbledore greeted him warmly "Hagrid you son of a gun how are ye" Dumbledore belched seductivley. It turned out Hagrid was mad Dumbledore had used the money Hagrid and lent him to invest in the wizard stock market and used it to buy Filch a diamond dick ring. It was well known that Hagrid was disgusted by Filch and Dumbledore being lovers. Just when Dumbledore was trying to sweet talk his way out of this one Filch emerged from under the desk and attacked Hagrid but Hagrid broke his head with one punch. Dumbledore was just about to kill Hagrid with the sword of Gryffindor ehen Snape emerged with something Dumbledore feared a hot fork. Snape pressed it against Dumbledores face leaving a huge red fork shaped burn. Snape then ransacked Dumbledores office for cigars as he and Hagrid took what they wanted to make up for the debts Dumbledore owed. Filch recovered and Dumbledore hid his burn under makeup.

As Dumbledore sat on the toilet that night he swore revenge and promised forks would never be allowed at Hogwarts. "Oh damn" he furiously belched as he dropped his wand in the toilet. But the elder wand exploded on contact with the shit in tje toilet destroying it. The elder wand was gone so now Dumbledore had to torture Olivander for a powerful replacement.


	3. Chapter 3

Dumbledore had big plans he knew he had to make a stand for the mistreatment of mudbloods at Hogwarts. While Hagrid and Snape sang the Hogwarts school song Dumbledore did not stand instead he took a knee. Dumbledore then became furious as he realized nobody saw him kneeling behind the staff table. Dumbledore then climbed on top of the Slytherin table and kneeled. "See I support muggleborns you filfy sombitches Dumbledore belched. Dumbledore became pleased as Snape and Hagrid sang louder meaning they saw his protest. The staff was confused as they saw Dumbledore now snoring as he decided to take a nap on the Slytherin table. When they were finished Dumbledore mooned the Slytherin table before telling them that Hogwarts would accept 100 new foreign students from Durmstrang who were expelled for refusing to use dark magic. Dumbledore also said Hogwarts had taken in ten muggle students to learn Divination and in order to move Slytherin toward the light they would all go to Slytherin. But Dumbledore had the biggest news of all.

Dumbledore had fake tears held a picture of a smiling muggle family in his disgusting grotesque excuse for a hand. "These muggles were killed by deatheaters whos kids are in Slytherin so now we must punish their kids" Dumbledore belched after punching Flitwick as he tried to explain that the kids did not do it. Dumbledore summoned Parkinson, Bulstrode, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, and Zabini. Dumbledoe was now carring the sword of Gryffindor and with one swipe decapitated Bulstrode. As the students screamed Snape came in and managed to save the remaining students while Hagrid held down Dumbledore who kept scraming "is a my head". The rest of the Slytherins took Bulstrode's body back to the hospital wing.

As Dumbledore lay in his cell in Azkaban that night he looked out the window and laughed "Hello darkness" he belched at the moon creeping out the dementors.

Bang

Dumbledore had escaped Azkaban on the back of a dementor. Meanwhile Hogwarts was having an election for the new headmaster between Snape and McGonagall. McGonagall won the popular vote because she received all the Gyffindor votes. but Snape won the other three houses to become headmaster and fulfill his promise to make Hogwarts great again. Snape had to keep Hogwarts safe from Dumbledore whom was currently pillagaing Diagon Alley for food and followers on his magic carpet.


	4. Chapter 4

Dumbledore had broken into the Hogwarts kitchen with the hope of ruining the food. After killing and chopping up hundreds of house elves to put in his gumbo he dumped three tons of ghost peppers into the pot "mo hotta mo betta" he rocco belched.

Meanwhile Minerva and Flitwick had brocken into Dumbledores cave. While Minerva went in one chamber Flitwick went to the back of the cave. Flitwick dropped his wand when he he went to pick it up he was hit in the back with a pick ax killing him. The odd figure pulled him to the cave wall which slid open and the figure took its victim into its hidden layer. Minerva thought Flitwick left without her so apparated away.

Dumbledore was advised to come with his hands up by the aurors. But he apparated away and went back to Diagon Allay.

Meanwhile at the cave

Minerva had asked Severus to come back with her to look for Flitwick. As Snape ransacked the cave Dumbledore appeared. "What the fudge are ye doin in me cave" Dumbledore belched. "Yer dead come on ye lump bring it" Dumbledore belched creamely. Before they could ask what he meant the cave door slid open. The figure was wearing Flitwicks face and was armed with a weed eater. As they were chases out the figure caught Mcgonagall by clipping her leg. As she carried her back she realized Sbape escaped. " Do not worry Molly Severus will return for Molly" he tickle belched as he treated himself to some candy. Little did she know Snape hated Minerva and would not be back.


	5. Chapter 5

Dumbledore was back in the castle. As he whistled to down the hall he was grabbed by Hagrid who ripped a piece of his head off. After escaping and patching the rest of his head up with some famous Hogwarts red clay he went to go clog the Hogwarts toilets. But when he arrived he was hit in the back of the head with a crowbar causing him to bleed. As he cried Snape shoved a knife up his dickhole splitting it in half. Dumbledore burst into tears and was shoved in the schools giant coal stove. The crowd rejoiced Dumbledore was dead. Nobody saw the fork fall from the ashes.

A/N sorry for the slow update and the cliff hanger. What will the fork mean?


End file.
